so yeah, episode 3. here’s how I experienced it.

at first I was all hyped up because, by watching this on the big screen, I am in some ways a part of history. after sitting through the 20 minutes of trailers that old familiar 20th century logo came on and off we went.

so the movie starts and I’m finding that for every conflict these dudes run into, they solve it by swinging their light saber around. it seriously did get unexciting after a while because all of the effects and fighting took the place of story telling. already I was starting to lose interest.

if lucas made episode 4 today you certainly won’t see obi-wan wave his hand in the face of a stormtrooper and say, “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” no, obi-wan would have whipped out a light saber and beheaded each and every one with a flourish. fuck-a-doodle-doo.

so at some point early on in the movie I started to notice holes in the plot. “how did whats-his-nuts end up there?” “why is that happening already?” — well as it turned out I had DOZED OFF in small spurts and DIDN’T EVEN KNOW.

I did get a second wind and managed to stay awake for the rest of the film, which was good because I paid $9.50 to see this (this was at the “cheap” theatre in manhattan).

okay so the last half hour or so was good. the very end of the obi-wan vs anakin showdown was good, the birth of luke and leia was unceremonious but okay (for someone who was allegedly carrying twins, natalie portman looked like she was barely 3-4 months pregnant with ONE child), and they paid homage (hmm, can you call it an homage if you’re paying tribute to something you made?) to episode 4 at the very very end with this one scene. you’ll see.

all in all it was just another hollywood movie: too much bells and whistles and not enough story telling.

in summation, I believe kumar (of harold and…) said it best: “just ’cause you’re hung like a moose doesn’t mean you have to do porn.” as in, just because you have all of ILM’s technologies and talent under your thumb doesn’t mean you have to throw it in our faces every opportunity you get.

if I see it again it’d be on dvd.

so last night I was stopped by a cabbie stranded on the side of the street with a flat. he’s all, “do you know how to change a flat tire?” and I’m thinking, how in the fuck did this guy get a job as a cabbie and not know how to change a flat?

he was trying to turn the jack with a tire iron. the problem with that? as tire irons are cross-shaped, you’re not going to get that sucker to turn to get the jack to … jack up.

so I pointed that out to him. he had this other hoo-ha that looked more like the correct instrument. it still wasn’t the perfect tool, but what can you do when you’re a cabbie stuck in chinatown with no knowledge of changing flats?

here, use this roasted duck hanging in the window to get this bitch up off the ground.

we just blew up 500 balloons. I think I’m going to faint.

so ming and I are gonna do this “prank” where we fill our boss’s office with balloons. we’re not sure how many it’s gonna take, so we’re gonna first get 100 and see how many more we need.

we might as well get some kind of workout, we missed our kung fu class tonight.

I have a feeling it’s gonna be us who will be fools.

how long does it take for returns to come? this is like the first time in about 3 years I’m getting a return and I have forgotten how long this shit takes.

it’s been about a month now. ugh, I hope I’m not being audited…