espn.com’s page 2 interviewed 2nd year boston celtics point guard delonte west in what he feels constitutes a romantic date. it is mandatory that everyone reads this.

flowers, popeye’s and romance by delonte west

some quotes:

“…we get straight to the point — we eat afterwards because I don’t want to kiss no onions. I don’t want to kiss you tasting like onions and steak and mushrooms and everything.”

“Pop some bottles, some Moet Rose. The red Moet, we ain’t popping no Kristal, it tastes like urination. We ain’t popping no Kris, that’s $500 a bottle. It ain’t that serious.”

“When we’re on the yacht eating, we’re going to have some Popeyes chicken … Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I’m a little rough around the edges and I’m keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we’re going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.”

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in the past but every now and then I get totally sucked into a reality tv show. this time around it’s the bachelor: in paris. hell I even have a favorite already! susanfromkansas. having a favorite makes it fun to watch, but it also to have that kind of investment when the rose ceremony comes around. I always threaten to stop watching the show if my favorite is sent home, but I don’t think that’s ever happened (stopped tuning in that is… my favorites never win). in many ways it’s a lot like how I watch the ncaa basketball tournament.

(for the record, my favorite on joe millionaire was alison)

right. so last week’s had one of the best moments in reality tv history that you might have heard of. we were yelling at the tv as allie g marched her ass up to the dude to demand why she didn’t get a rose. fucking hell! I was twisted up in a pretzel from squirming so damn hard.

this week’s episode… a bunch of group dates blah blah and a whole lot of air time for my favorite, susanfromkansas. it was almost as if the producers were like “alright, I need a tight shot on a face. any face.” and BOOM there she would be. at the rose ceremony it got down to one last rose and she hadn’t been called yet. holy fuck I was screaming at the tv threatening stop watching if she’s gone. fortunately for abc (and me) her name was called. of course! we’re safe for one more week at least.

[EDIT]
after asking all of my friends and co-workers it is official that only me, lesley and our friend kerri are the only ones who fucking watch this show.

damn, I just found out today that you can see who’s been peeping your profile on friendster. sure you have the option of viewing profiles anonymously, but.

then again it can also be kinda sad. a whopping 13 people looked at my profile the month of september. hmph.

quite an experience, that jury duty. I dutifully jotted down most everything that happened in a little journal being the anal freak (not that kind of anal freak) that I am. you may regret wasting your time reading this.

[08:40] I was cruising right on time for my 8:45 start time. I marched up the New York State Supreme Court steps and waited in line at the security check point. the officers were actually very friendly. though they had these uneasy smiles as if to say “please don’t blow up this building. please.”

[08:50] there must be over a hundred of us all sitting in these VERY NICE PLUSH INDIVIDUAL SEATS. so this is where my tax dollars go (that and the motion sensor flushy toilets). anyway we’re twiddling our thumbs wondering what’s going to happen next. right near me I notice a girl whom I can only describe as “Mischa Barton At Age 23″ and she is rightfully hot. dudes walking up the aisles are totally checking her out. I wonder if they think they’re sneaking sneaky peeks, because they’re doing a fucking horrible job at it.

[09:10] some late stragglers still coming in. fuckers. I rushed out of the house for this?! I’m reading Our Band Could Be Your Life and it’s good.

[09:25] finally they have us watch this orientation VIDEO that has some hilarious “acting” and narrated by diane sawyer.

[10:20] they call up 30 names to be potential jurors in some case. I’m not one of the names called. poo. I’m reading about Black Flag.

[11:00] another 30 names are called up. still not me. (note: mischa barton girl [henceforth MBG] still hasn’t been called either. she’s reading The Five People You Meet In Heaven.)

[12:30] lunch break! back at 2.

[14:05] in the elevator back from lunch. the doors are closing and two lawyer-types are hurrying to get in. I hit the [doors open] button, but they didn’t say thanks. fuckers.

[14:35] YES! called up for a 40-person whopper jury call-up thing. AND it’s in another building! we’re escorted to the neighboring building and walk through a series of corridors. we enter a section of the building marked NARCOTICS DEPARTMENT and I’m thinking “SWEET this is a drug case.” we enter a little court room and we get to fidget around until…

[15:45] …we’re told we can’t talk to anybody about what we’re about to hear. this super secret case, to give you a hint, rhymes with RENTAL-PAL-CACTUS. boo. there are a bunch of lawyers here — I thought there were supposed to be just two? anyway, half of them start yakking at us and…

[16:30] …we’re done for the day! we are to return the next day at 10am sharp. surely there will be stragglers…

TO BE CONTINUED DAMMIT

did I mention I was going to vegas? well I did. last weekend. and I was so fucking swamped with work all week I couldn’t get around to posting the wrap-up. so for your reading enjoyment here are the things I learned about vegas/life outside of nyc:

- there are many (bleached) blonde women in america.
- women, who do not work in the adult entertainment industry, can also get breast enhancements.
- bagels outside of nyc taste like round bread with a hole in the middle.
- 100+ degrees is HOT AS FUCK dry heat or not.
- a cab ride from anywhere to anywhere in vegas costs a minimum of $10.
- if an artist has been run into the ground by mainstream america he/she has some sort of residency at one of the hotel venues.
- in-n-out burgers are every bit as good as they are billed to be.

I think that about covers it.

ps- before you ask, yes I won some money. $150 at blackjack.

[edit]
pps- I had kelly clarkson’s “since you’ve been gone” stuck in my head for most of the trip for no apparent reason. I felt this was worthy of mention/following up.

life is good for the state of north carolina these days. first the goddamn unc tarheels won the ncaa basketball tournament, and then last night miss north carolina won the miss usa pageant. she even mentioned something about unc winning the tournament, to which miss illinois (another finalist, whose homestate university lost to unc in the championship game) had NO COMEBACK.

whatever.