…is 1680×1050.

such a perfect combination: jon & kate + the soup.

it’s no jon minus nine but it’s still hilarious, especially the freeze close-up on jon at the end.

please have a happy and safe cyber monday.

what do I have in common with the bush twins, christina applegate, joe dimaggio, ricardo montalban, jfk jr, and pope john xxiii?

remember about a week ago I was telling you about my experiences at the license x-press?

well I got my brand spanking new driver’s license in the mail yesterday! a nice surprise was that my picture isn’t total shit, which I’m pretty happy about.

fucking hell, from start to finish I renewed my license in 8 days and 18 minutes (what?).

it was a simple plan, really. go to the grocery store to pick up blueberries so I can make blueberry pancakes in the morning. that’s all I really needed.

instead I futzed around all morning (although some freelance work was involved) and ended up going much later than I wanted. on top of that, I didn’t eat anything all morning so I went to the store hungry.

what happened? I ended up getting all these snack items and enough chicken thighs (oooh, dark meat) to last me a few weeks. I get home and it wasn’t until now I realized I didn’t get the blueberries.

so make a mental note: grocery shopping with an empty stomach makes you lose focus but gain plenty of snacks and chicken thighs.

with my birthday fast approaching I realized the other day that the expiration date on my driver’s license was also fast approaching!

I took this opportunity to visit the handy-dandy nyc dmv license x-press located right on 34th st. I read mixed reviews about the place, how some people breezed right through the process while others took a lot longer, but all in all the people seemed to get their stuff done within an hour so I figured it was still a better option than going to the brooklyn dmv (the last time I renewed my license I pretty much spent all morning and afternoon waiting in 80 lines).

it should be noted that like the rockstar that I am, I went ahead and printed up the forms and had ‘em filled out the night before. a rockstar who reads instructions very carefully, follows every minute rule, dots all his Is and crosses his Ts. and just in case I get asked for other forms of ID I grabbed my passport, social security card, voter card and a utility bill to prove my current address.

shit yeah it’s GO-TIME. the dmv was about to get served.

when I arrived I decided it might be fun to time exactly how long this whole process will take. synchronize watches…

10:49AM: checkpoint 001
the information counter. (politely) flashed my (neatly) filled out mv-44 form. was given a slip of paper to sign and directed over to…

10:50AM: checkpoint 002
the eye exam and photo station. this is where you get your eyes checked, your documents validated and your photo taken. the line was only about 8 people deep but the dude in the front seemed to be having some problems with his docs. he’s definitely not a rockstar. but as soon as mr. stoppage was unclogged the line moved a little better. next thing I knew I was (clearly) enunciating the random letters on the eye exam chart and trying not to look like an ass for the photo that will be my identification for the next 8 years. (btw, you don’t need to bring a passport, a social security card, voter card or a proof of address. the lady called me an overachiever.) I was given a ticket with a number which shall grant me access to the third and final step in this process. now comes the anticipated long ass wait, right? I barely sat down when my number appeared on the display.

11:04AM: checkpoint 003
the “hand over everything that you brought and was given to you today and pony up the money” station. with a glance over the documents and a few clicks of the button I was given an interim license until my real one arrives in the mail in a few weeks.

11:07AM: out tha door, fools
mission accomplished in 18 minutes from start to finish. see you in 2016, license x-press!

I was taking the train home last night, listening to my ipod when a lady started talking to me.

“are you listening to music?” she asked.

“yes. yes I am,” I replied.

“you can get that even when we’re underground?” she asked.

“oh… yeah, this isn’t a radio. it’s an ipod,” I said, holding up what clearly looks like a 5th generation ipod (black).

“so you can get music even when we’re underground then?” she followed-up.

“yes.”

this woman wasn’t ancient, she looked to be in her 40s so it was a little bit unusual for her to not know what a portal recorded music listening device was. and not to be mean, but to be kind of mean, I’d like to state that according to wiki the first cassette-based walkman went on sale in 1979.

now where’s my free cone from ben & jerry’s?

all kidding aside, although a free ben & jerry’s is no joking matter, it really was great being among a record turnout for the election. I’m not a coffee drinker but I’ll be staying up watching for the poll numbers as they begin to close across america starting 7pm.