after speaking venting with several people today about the giant time-waster finale, I came up with a one-line take of the whole season:

a guy from nashville goes to a french restaurant and orders a chicken fried chicken.

the end.

what the fuck??

that’s right. travis picked sarah tennessee. the girl who shouldn’t even have lasted beyond the french riviera, let alone WIN this fucking thing.

why??

because sarah represents every girl he’s ever known (including his mom I’m sure). because he’s only dated girls like her and he’s too chickenshit to experience anything outside of what he’s familiar with. he looks at her and he sees home (direct quote).

this season was shaping up to be one of the best seasons ever, only for it to completely fall apart in the end because the bachelor decided to chickenshit the most important decision.

tonight we learned you can take a guy out of nashville but you can’t take the nashville out of the guy. what a waste of a perfectly good season of the bachelor.

the season finale is tonight! and I am clearly the only one who’s excited about this. all of my so-called fans of the show have bailed out on me one way or another.

I still think it’s a foregone conclusion that moana will get the rose in the end. but why would I not tune in? I haven’t missed an episode all season.

will he propose? god I hope not. I would be okay if it were some sort of promise ring.

saw this video while I was in japan back in october ‘04. I’ve been looking all over for it and not surprisingly it was on youtube. watch the whole frickin’ thing.

I give you sophie ellis-bextor “murder on the dance floor”

so allie g didn’t show up tonight. I was afraid something like this would happen, seeing how none of the previews for tonight’s episode had allie sitting in the studio. fuck.

and susan in the studio was the same susan we saw in paris… so basically I came away having learned nothing new from tonight’s episode. wait, I did learn that jenny from boston has a very bitchy hatred for every girl who stayed on longer than she did.

next week: the two hour finale! based on what I gathered from travis talking about the finalists, here’s how I break it down in very simple terms: if he picks sarah it would be because he feels she deserves him. if he picks moana it would be because he feels he deserves her.

moana wins.

thank you and good night.

so today’s bachelor brings back all the girls who were eliminated, strap poor travis in a chair and roast him in front of a live studio audience (how does one get tickets for this?). the down side: it’s only an hour long and it comes on an hour late. bleh.

all eyes will on allie “my eggs are literally rotting” g, can’t wait to hear what she has to say. well, actually there will be at least one pair of eyes taking in as much of susan as possible as this will be the last time we’ll ever see her.

…unless she does a maxim spread or something (YEAH).

turns out this thing has been around for a few years but no one sent me the link so it’s new to me.
and possibly new to you.

take this out for a spin in williamsburg and you’ll easily set a new record.

I’m getting a new computer. this will be my 3rd computer I’ve ever owned and here’s the crazy part: every time I get one it costs about the same give or take a few benjamins. and yet each one is infinitely superior to the previous.

I got a dell dimension E510 and tricked it the fuck out, then went over to this site and scored a deal to take 3 (aforementioned) benjamins off.

getting a new computer is always a momentous occasion. it’s about time too, my current PC runs windowsMe. yeah. I think they have those now in museums in the “Failed OS” wing.

so based on what I’ve been reading, it sounded like nbc sports bigwig dick ebersol arbitrarily decided to call it the 2006 torino olympic games — when the town itself is known as turin.

to the pedestrian media consumer it sounds pretty fucking absurd, does it not? how dare this guy give a new name to the town just because it “rolls off the tongue better” (direct quote)?

I googled it up and learned that the town name is known as “torino” to the locals and “turin” is the anglocized name. turns out ebersol’s doing the town justice!

in response the associated press said “It’s Rome, not Roma. Munich, not Muenchen. Moscow instead of Mockba or Moskva.” well how about if we called you “associated press” to your face but referred to you to everyone else as “asshole-iated press”?

dicks.