mitch hedberg
so christian surprised me with a cd of mitch hedberg’s comedy routines. I’ve been laughing my ass off (in between sneezing, coughing, and sniffling) at work all day.
if you’re too lazy, here are some of my faves:
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
I wish I could play Little League now, I’d kick butt. I’d be way better than before. They’d back-up now!
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish; they just want to make it late for something. “Why were you late?” “I got caught!” “Bullshit, lemme see the inside of your lip!”
All McDonalds commercials end the same way: “prices and participation may vary.” I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti!…And blankets. But we are not affiliated with that clown, he attracts too many children.”
On a traffic light, green means “go” and yellow means “yield,” but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means “hold on,” yellow means “go ahead,” and red means “Where the fuck did you get that banana at?”
okay, obviously I can go on but I’ll let you just visit that site. and keep this genius’s memory alive.